There is a supernatural peace that helps me to weather a storm.

It doesn’t take the storm, rather, it allows my storm to be manageable and leave me sane.

This supernatural peace helps me to heal, to resist, to relax. It bathes a nightmare in manageability.

People who don’t have faith in the Helper, Jesus sent to us, often scoff at these ideals. I can’t imagine trying to get through anything in life, let alone tragedies with our children without faith.

Some act as those I’m simple because I rely on something I cannot not see. The funny thing is, I do see. I see it, feel it, lose it, search for it and settle back into it.

I’m essentially okay. About a quarter of the time now. I find a lot of joy in my life.

The devil is continuously poking my sleeping bear, however. I have to fight to remain focused and steady. I have really unbalanced days. I sometimes have to sleep through them until relief comes.

I don’t want you to think Jesus takes His eyes off of me. I lose my focus. I invest my energy in loss and pain. And sometimes I just can’t help that. It’s a part of grieving.

I have learned, the quicker I get on my knees and set my sight on my Father, the better I am.

It takes a lot of work to have faith. It takes strength and skill and study. God doesn’t put painful things in my path, but He allows them. I know I serve a sovereign God and I know that I’ll see my son again one day.

That’s how I’m going to get through today. That’s how I have to get through every day.

God has taken something that tore through my floor, and He built a stepping stone for me. He has laid one stone in front of the other for fifteen months. I sometimes have missteps. I just reach out. I’m fervently looking for the next step.

Losing Kade was something I wondered at times if I would survive. I have been blown away again and again at the comfort I find.

I am going to start a journal this year. Things I’m thankful for, prayers that were answered. Prayers that weren’t answered the way I wanted them to be.

Next January I want to go back and see all the things. Things you forget if you don’t write them down. I have a tendency to focus on the bad. This will allow me to put everything into perspective a year from now.

We were all talking about how hard 2021 was. How we would be glad when it was over. Speaking all the things that were difficult, the things that knocked us back.

Belle spoke up. She talked about getting engaged. She was so surprised! It was fun! Then she got married. Her wedding was stunning. She was so happy her life was where she wanted it. Then we planned for a new baby. A baby Kade has already met. Her entire life exploded into something wonderful. 2021 was a great year.

Our focus was just off.

I have one goal this year.

To change my focus.

In January of 2023, I want to look back and see the blessings.

Keep our family in your prayers. We need your intercession 💙


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