Uncategorized
-
My sweet husband worked ten hours today. Oh his way out of the hospital, he stopped in the gift shop and bought a candle for me. He explained to the lady who was working that we had lost our son to suicide in October and it was the day to honor your loved one and…
-
There’s a song, Gone Away, that I found years ago while watching an old Syfy series created by Stephen King called Haven. It’s a sad song. I love sad songs. It came across my Spotify today and I just latched onto it. As previously discussed, when I listen to something I like, I listen to…
-
I have begun to try to change my focus on how I look at Nathan Kade Soden ‘s absence. Today is Kensley’s third birthday party. My immediate reaction is, “Look what all Kade is missing.” My intentional reaction is, “He’s watching. He’s here” Whether God allows our loved ones in Heaven to be a spectator…
-
I write about Kade a lot. That’s because that’s where I am ALL THE TIME. I also write about struggles, then I talk about the Holy Spirit at work in me. And it’s all true I guess what I may not have mentioned, is the heart wrenching battle that it takes to get from wanting…
-
youtube.com/watch I wake up singing songs. Usually songs that I haven’t heard since I was nine. “A My Name Is Alice” Marie Osmond “Kiss An Angel Good Morning” Charlie Pride “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown” Jim Croce Or sometimes, I mix it up with 80’s country music Shenandoah or Alabama It’s a running bit in our…
-
You know, people are scared of motorcycle clubs. You pull up at Kum and Go and the parking lot is full of bikers. Leather chaps and vests. Coats with a myriad of colorful patches that are full of skulls and knives. Bandannas and chains. Heavy black boots that make all of the bikers similar in…
-
It’s almost here. That day I mark each month. The utterance of that number for any reason…. Seventeen cents, pleaseShe’s seventeen nowI caught seventeen mice (That last one would trigger anyone…I know) That number has become a hangnail. It brings sorrow and black butterflies in my belly and the sound of it, when called out…
-
It’s July 6th. I made it. We made it. We didn’t just skin by, either. We nailed it. Like on Pinterest. I get more upset as each milestone hits for me and Kade. It’s funny, you raise a child and each thing they accomplish is celebrated. First laugh, first step, first days of school, graduation,…
-
The holidays have been hard. The not-holidays have been hard. Each of us are affected differently by the absence of Kade. Each of us feel it stronger at times than the rest of us do. Of course. We each had a separate, intimate relationship with Kadey, so we have separate, intimate mourning. However, the Fourth…
-
I’m an odd duck. Always have been. It takes just a LITTLE bit to tickle the crap out of me. Sometimes it’s a package of graham crackers I’ve squirreled away. Maybe a Scentbird I thought I’d lost. Fresh sheets. My favorite pjs being clean. And animals. Any surprise encounter with any animal can transform thunderclouds…
Inkwell Swimmer 